Why the Doctor's Never Been to Canada
by Raggedy Doctor
Summary: Well it's boring isn't it? Canada I mean? Dull history, seems kinda like a mix of America, France and England anyway... doesn't it? The Doctor is lead to believe it might be worth taking a look at. No major spoilers, set before EoT


Disclaimer: Doctor Who not mine, Canada, my home country, it's nice.

* * *

"Your Song is Ending Sir."

Capital letters, definitely, the Doctor decided as he was tossed about through time and space, alone. Though by now he was used to it wasn't he?

He had set the TARDIS' Randomizer on, and hadn't it been awhile since he used that? Three life times at least, maybe more... He was going to go anywhere and anywhen since here and now didn't look all that promising. He came to a jerky halt wondering, if only for a moment, if he should just go. Go right now to Ood Sigma and open that can of worms.

Nope, not a chance.

He opened the door only to hit a tree.

"What?" He tried opening it further, but to no avail. He sighed and squeezed through shutting the door behind him. Well that ruined what could have possibly been a very energetic entrance. He looked around expecting to see forest, but it appeared he was just in a nook of trees all together beside a concrete pavilion. There was a library across the way, City Hall across from that and a 50's diner... which wasn't quite as inspiring as the first two, but hey, he enjoyed the 50's... except that one time with the squid and the rubber duck...

"You couldn't land on the sidewalk?" He gave the TARDIS a stern look trying to get his previous thoughts out of mind. He shrugged, didn't matter. He was here now in...

"America- oh I don't go to America often, not—2010 anyway," He bubbled trying hard to forget that he wasn't exactly talking to anyone... well... except for a big blue box, but sometimes you just can't count a TARDIS.

"2010's great too," He said strolling in front of the clock placed at the centre dipping one trainer shod foot into the little fountain up in front, "They start saying it Twenty –ten instead of two-thousand, very modern."

"Are you talking to a clock?" The girl had been sitting on a bench and had been watching him since the start of his monologue. He spun around a wide smile on his face.

"Hello Thar!" He sung. The girl didn't seem impressed.

"That's got to be the worst American accent I've ever heard..." She muttered quietly to herself, although the Doctor heard her.

"Oi! It wasn't that bad!" He frowned walking up to her.

"Ohhhhh you're a Brit! ... ... ... that explains... nothing actually," She blinked at him, "Have you been lighting up? Is that it? Listen man, I don't mind what you do in the privacy of your own home, but seriously—"

"Lighting up? You think I'm high?!" The Doctor squeaked.

"You give that general aura, yes. Though I myself wouldn't know, I have friends that-erm... never mind that."

"Well, I'm not... I'm the Doctor by the way."

"Doctor Crazy is it?"

"No."

"Doctor Weird?"

"No!"

"Doctor No?"

"Just the Doctor," The Doctor winced.

"Uh huh... kay, I'm gonna go now, you have fun with the clock," The girl stood and starting walking away, up the stairs towards the main street.

"I didn't get your name!" The Doctor called back, although he wasn't that unhappy to see her go.

"Crazy people don't get my name."

"Fine, then, just tell me where I am, since I'm mad and all it's not an unreasonable question... so to speak."

The girl turned. The Doctor had the feeling that she couldn't raise one eyebrow, because both were up looking at him incredulously.

The Doctor waved.

"North Vancouver."

The Doctor felt more upbeat instantly, "Washington is it? Didn't Ulysses S. Grant serve here for awhile? He's an interesting guy—"

"Whoa, hold on. Did they drop you out of the plane and did you land on your head?" The girl seemed a bit outraged.

"So... he didn't then—"

"This is NORTH VANCOUVER... British Columbia!—Canada!" She said with exasperation when it didn't seem to dawn on the Doctor.

"Canada?" He asked instantly put out.

"Yes, what's wrong with Canada?" The girl was marching down the stairs now to face the Doctor properly. It seems he had hit a nerve.

"No, nothing," he said, planning to stop talking there, but his mouth missing that memo continued," It's just, nothing happens here... " He couldn't even remember the last time he was in Canada... had he even BEEN here before? Oh... war of 1812... well that doesn't really count, does it? It was only for a few minutes chasing that Gigantic--

... It's interesting how red Humans can go when their angry.

"EXCUSE ME!?" He'd always heard Canadians (when not playing Hockey) were pretty easy going, obviously the girl was not, "Well, look at your history," The Doctor crossed his arms. He was a Time Lord and DID know quite a lot about Earth (some would say he was the first in scholarly knowledge on the subject), from what he knew about Canada it was pretty quiet. Not BORING... but...

No wait, that described it pretty well...

"What?"

Oops he said all that out loud didn't he?

The girl had to take a few deep breaths but managed to calm down, "Alright. If you want to survive in this country, here's a few things you should know. Number one, and I mean this NUMBER ONE, We are NOT American."

"What are the other rules?" The Doctor grinned, this was actually kind of fun...

"Number two is: WE ARE NOT AMERICANS!!" She yelled into his ear.

"Ow! I heard you the first time, don't like it then do you, America?"

"Nah, they're okay, it's nothing like that. Listen, I have nothing against America... mostly--it's just that if you had a foreigner drop into Buckingham palace and say that Ireland's lovely this time of year, wouldn't you be insulted?"

No actually, just amazed by the ignorance, but he was seeing her point. Canada and America were two different countries, he had never actually thought of just how different though, he had sort of lumped them together.

"If I keep it in mind will you tell me your name?" The Doctor asked.

"Emma," the girl did a mock bow, "You?"

"Just the Doctor."

Emma rolled her eyes, "Kay, how did you manage to end up in the middle of North Vancouver without knowing the Province, much less country that you're in?"

"Oh, just took the bus."

"You're a strange guy, you know that?"

"Yeah—I've definitely heard that one before," The Doctor nodded, "So then Emma, you say your history isn't boring then, enlighten me."

Emma looked a bit guilty for a moment, "Alright," She said slowly, "Alright I'll admit it is kinda, sorta, a teeny-tiny bit... boring, history-wise. I'm a history major so I'll admit out of all the histories I've studied Canadian isn't actually in the top three... but still, our history really isn't something to sniff your nose at! It's just that we've developed differently than many other countries. Listen," She seemed to get animated now, "People see us as a nice polite country, right? Either that or invisible... or communist... though that's neither here nor there, but see, we've got a shadowy past too you know. All the land taken from the First Nations, the fur trade was pretty gruesome at some points, War of 1812, the FLQ, and even though there was no fighting here World War I and II took its toll. We had internment camps on the prairies, can you believe that?" She shook her head, "It was one of our Prime Ministers who negotiated the Suez Canal crisis. And... the Zipper was made by a Swedish born Canadian and the Telephone's Canadian! – Trivial Pursuit!"

"Oh, I love Trivial Pursuit!" The Doctor bounced on his toes.

"Me too," Emma nodded enthusiastically, "I mean, alright, Italy had the Renaissance, the French had Bonaparte, the British have their Industrial Revolution, the Americans have the Ipod, but we're an interesting country ourselves, maybe because, even though we're not a "Great Power" we're a Middle Power that still manages to be one of G8, oh it's G20 now isn't it?" She looked up determined, "Listen, Doc—"

"Doctor, not Doc."

"Sorry, I was just saying, just because we haven't seen as much blood, or made the most money, or invented the most things, or don't have the biggest army, that doesn't mean you should just write us off as nothing. Look at your home!"

The Doctor felt his stomach tighten slightly. His home...

"It was small, it was nothing in the beginning right? The Romans thought of you as nothing eh? Barbarians at best, but you developed and grew. Think of it, a little island on the sea, smaller than many of the other European nations and that little Island became the British Empire!"

The Doctor smiled. His home really wasn't much different than that either—WELL less ships.

"...not that I'm saying Canada would become an empire or anything! At... least that'd be pretty unexpected, my bet's on China for that dubious honour in the next century, but, uh, you know ... I guess I lost my train of thought..." She finished lamely.

"Wanna go see it then?" The Doctor asked with a mad grin, now excited.

"See it?" Emma blinked, "What do you mean?"

"Your history! Do you want to see it then? I've never seen it myself, it really never came up actually."

"Kay, Doctor? You're giving me that crazy vibe again."

"Oh, come on now!" The Doctor practically skipped towards the trees where the TARDIS stood, "Aren't you curious?"

"Curious to what you're talking about," Emma agreed following him despite herself, "What on earth—why is there a big blue police box in the bushes?"

"You know what it is—erm—" He should have said 'looks like' really, but Emma had already come up to it knocking on it.

"History Major, and yeah, British history is my favourite..." She rolled her eyes at herself, "Still, what's it doing here?"

"Step inside and find out," The Doctor motioned her to the door which he had pulled open as far as possible.

"...okay then... keep in mind if you try anything funny I know Hapkido, AND I WILL kick you in the nuts, so be forewarned."

The Doctor shook his head as she entered the TARDIS.

"WHAT THE HELL!?!??!" She cried practically falling back on the Doctor. The Doctor pushed her back in closing the door behind him.

"No need to swear."

"It's—"

"Yes."

"Bigger on the... is that coral? What is this place!?!?"

The Doctor grinned, "It's called a TARDIS, it's a Time machine."

Emma's mouth dropped open, "Seriously... SERIOUSLY!?!? ... Okay... okay okay okay... this is... wow... this is different than I expected it to be..."

"You expected to be picked up by a time machine?" The Doctor asked raising an eyebrow. He was pressing buttons and pulling levers as he spoke in a flurry of movement.  
"No—yes... okay kinda a life long dream! ... History major."

"You're not planning to become an archaeologist are you?" the Doctor said pausing holding a hammer about to bring it down.

"What? No. Historian with books... or maybe a teacher if I have to..."

"Good, no, never mind. This Emma, THIS is going to be a history lesson that you'll never get out of a stuffy old text book." The Doctor brought down the hammer and the TARDIS began to shake.

"What's happening?"

"We're going back to the past!" The Doctor cheerfully announced, "Hold on tight!"

* * *

Notes: okay a few notes:

Emma: one of the most popular girls names in Canada

History Major: by history major she means she's studied some second year history courses and peruses Wikipedia...

Nationalistic Canadian: This isn't Anti-America or Anti-British or Auntie Flo (bad joke). The NOT American thing is easily explained, Canadian's don't like to be called Americans, not because Americans are bad, it's because we're Canadians (and we have HUGE crippling inferiority complexes), just like an American wouldn't want to be called a Canadian, not because we're bad, but because they're Americans (though honestly when does that actually happen? Oops my Canadian bias is showing, scuse me). The majority of people in the world have a certain bias towards their country, I try to keep it in mind, but sometimes you have to stiffen your heart and know I'm not trying to be offensive. Sorry if I do offend you, I didn't mean it! Really!

Vancouver/North Vancouver: There's a Vancouver in Washington, so too is there a Vancouver in British Columbia (3rd Largest city in Canada, we're having the Winter Olympics ... not the snowiest place in Canada though... just saying...) the Doctor landed in NORTH Vancouver, guess what? It's North of Vancouver, across the water, you take the sea bus... okay I'm just going on now...sorry

Hapkido: ... oh just wiki it, it's there (though honestly whether Emma's actually good at it or not remains to be seen...)

Eh: ... yes... yes she did say eh... I say eh! (just not at the end of every sentence, although I know none of you believed that stereotype!)

One last note: I'm not speaking for all Canadians, and I do not have every Canadian's viewpoint. Just saying

SO! Hopefully if I haven't offended anyone and people are still reading this and aren't bored you'll please review. Thanks!

...

Sorry for apologising so much... ;D


End file.
